


Ghostwriter

by Project0506



Series: Soft Wars [33]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Brothers, Brothers being assholes, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Gen, Humor, Weaponizing Reports, gen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506
Summary: Dogma writes Lt Jesse's After Action reports for him.  Dogma isn't happy with that.  Dogma gets revenge the best way he knows how: passive aggressively.
Series: Soft Wars [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683775
Comments: 40
Kudos: 682





	Ghostwriter

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Promotion Cycle Performance Review](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23543083) by [Project0506](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506). 



_1Lt Jesse,_ _it must be noted,_ _displayed notable ingenuity far above and beyond the call of duty. It is estimated that_ _his direct_ _efforts potentially_ _ended hostilities as much as_ _five_ _weeks sooner than could have possibly been achieved otherwise,_ _saving_ _the GAR up to 1.35_ _million Republic Credits in_ _resources_ _and officer hours._

“Where the hell did you get a _million credits_ from?”

“It’s an estimate,” Dogma grunts. “I estimated it, so it’s an estimate. Never claimed it was backed up by anything. And it’s 1.35 million. One million sounds like someone’s banthashitting numbers.”

“You _are_ banthashitting numbers!”

“Simmer down shiny,” Dogma says absently. “You’re gonna do yourself an injury.” Private Stak sputters indignantly for a moment. Dogma’s gotten fairly good at ignoring him.

“ _Sir_!” He whines.

SSgt Attie wanders over casually, sipping from his mug of caff. He observes the holopad over Dogma’s shoulder. He hums. “You used ‘noted’ and ‘notable’ in the same sentence,” he points out. Dogma changes the ‘notable’ to ‘remarkable’.

“Sir isn’t that…” Stak flutters his hands and makes wordless noises. For someone who’s as great at report writing as he is, the Private is terrible at actual conversation.

SSgt Attie shrugs. “Dogma’s a Specialist. The Specialist made a value estimate. I don’t see a problem with that.”

_Continuing his enduring legacy of impeccable performance,_ Dogma writes, _1Lt Jesse leveraged his vast wealth of experience in command to efficiently organize an immensely effective counter-offensive. Unable to find any openings in the 1Lt’s adaptive tactics, the invading force was forced to retreat posthaste._

“An _invading force_!”

“Yes Private,” Dogma says. Patience. Patience. It wasn’t that long ago that Dogma was exactly like him. “They were. And they were devastating the local flora. And then they retreated.”

“The Lt put all shinies on rock throwing duty until they ran away!”

“And it was immensely effective.” Dogma pauses. “Saved the local flora?”

SSgt Attie nods. “Demonstrated Eco-consciousness,” he says.

“Underscoring his dedication to developing a breadth of capability,” Dogma muses. “Able to respond with agility to non-traditional mission needs.” He pauses. “Can I recommend him for promotion?”

SSgt Attie considers it, then shakes his head, sadly. “But you _can_ mention that he’s operating according to all functions of a higher rank,” he offers.

Dogma grins. “This is why I like you best sir,” he says, and sets to completing _yet another_ After Action report Lt Jesse _should_ be writing. With gleeful abandon, Dogma details the epic of their glorious war against the wild tusk hogs of Chanus.

Maybe this would be the one Lt Jesse would forget to edit first.

Private Stak wanders closer, glaring sulkily.

“You should add something about collaboration with local authorities,” he offers with a sigh.

Dogma starts a new paragraph.


End file.
